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Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - A poem by Gemma Boyd
  • JasmineJasmine March 2011
    Posts: 19Administrator


    (The following is a poem submitted to us by Gemma Boyd last November. Thank you Gemma for sharing your words with us.)


    *My home is my writing:
    If I lost my words, who am I?*

    For years, I squirrelled away other peoples' poems,
    as if their words could imbue me with a sense of substance
    and wrote down so much 'truth' in my diary,
    it became illegible.

    Since suffering more severe trauma,
    I've gone beyond considering things in detail,
    into the minutiae of morphemes;
    so in-depth that I will never re-emerge as
    the woman I used to be:

    I can't believe in my own fissionable reality
    unless I write down what's happened and
    even then I can't believe it
    and am tortured by unwanted graphic flash-forwards:
    my flat burning down
    being brutally raped
    Jan dying in a car crash
    coming into contact with
    contaminated blood:

    Nowhere feels safe.

    Relentlessly checking and re-checking
    numbers, magazine pages, text messages,
    household appliances - everything -
    causes my nerves to jangle 24-7:
    a gradual wearing down of brain function and
    twisting and twirling children who repeat and repeat
    aggravate
    my stifled anger...

    I scribble down reassurances to myself on bus tickets
    and still have a niggle if I don't write words down
    in exactly the right order /
    say things in exactly the right way
    with the correct amount of information,
    for terror that others won't get what I'm trying to say /
    that I did leave a candle burning or I really was attacked:

    I'm edging towards being a recluse,
    but choose daily to fight for release from this crippling prison.

     
    by Gemma Boyd (November 2010)
     --
    Gemma Boyd - Musician & Poet

    website: www.gemmaboyd.com















  • jcfischettijcfischetti March 2011
    Posts: 43Member

    Wow!  Please post more!!

    Joe